All These Lives
by steph1103
Summary: Shawn realises how much he has destroyed his life and he desperately tries to find how to fix it but he cant manage to do it.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_- things happen but we don't really know why_

"Live life and learn to love it!" said Shawn as he gulped down another alcohol filled glass. "Good ol' Jack Daniels," he thought. He knew his life wasn't exactly perfect, that's why he was sat in a bar drinking away his sorrows even though he knew it had no way of helping. However he had learned to accept things.

The bar seemed to become more and more empty as the night progressed, but Shawn was determined he was not going to leave until he was either thrown out or he passed out.

Shawn made his way through the crowds of people and finally arrived at the bathroom just in time before his bladder burst. After he had finished his business he made his way over to the sink and turned on the cold tap. He stood swirling the water round and round with his finger while thinking over the mistakes he had made. Obviously not the most appropriate scene to do so, but it wasn't as if he actually cared, his life was already destroyed by one bad mistake followed by another and eventually it would all just come to an end before he even had the chance to do what he really wanted. Sure he'd had a successful career, but it shouldn't have been over already. If only he hadn't hit that casket during his match with Mark then everything would be fine. He would still have a career, he would have been loved by millions. He wouldn't have been forgotten, and he wouldn't have been so torn up with pain that he turned to drugs for help. Now what did he have? Nothing but a life filled with regrets and mistakes. He had also lost the most important thing, his best friend. Somewhere deep down he knew Hunter was only trying to help but he didn't want help, all he wanted was security from the fact that knowing someone who he could trust would be there for him. Now he had no one. And he knew it was all his fault.

"Maybe it will get better," Shawn thought to himself. "But then again, maybe not."

Shawn clasped his hands together as he collected the water from the tap. He splashed it over his face and dried himself off with a towel. As he lifted his head he spotted a man, a man that could ruin anything he touched and destroy anything that was given to him. Shawn threw a heavy fist at the mirror in front of him causing it to shatter into a thousand pieces. The man could no longer be seen, but all Shawn had to do was look into another mirror and he would appear. He never did like looking at his reflection anyway. He put his blood stained hands over his head tightly grasping at his hair. "This wasn't supposed to happen."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_- I tried to be someone else but nothing seemed to change_

"WCW, WWE, WCW, WWE" Said Shawn as he flicked through the TV channels undecided on which show to watch. Although WWE had been his life at one point, WCW had the nitro girls. One particular one had managed to catch Shawn's eye, and she went by the name of Whisper.

"Ah yes another Monday night home alone, what a boring life I lead." Thought Shawn as he continuously flicked channels. He could be at Raw right at this moment supporting his friends. That is if he had any.

"Why does bad things always happen to good people?" Questioned Shawn. "I sure do wish that applied to me, im just a bad person with bad things happening to me, and that doesn't make a good saying."

Life wasn't getting any better for Shawn, sure he said he would make it different, make it better but it had yet to happen, it was always, 'I'll start tomorrow' But how many tomorrows were there? Both TV shows cut to commercial as Shawn shoved his hand into his pocket taking out a small orange bottle filled with pain pills. He popped the lid off and emptied a small handful of tiny white pills onto his hand. He put them up to his mouth and just as he was about to release them from his hand, he stopped. He sat looking at them for a few minutes wondering if he could _really _stop. _Was he a bad person because he took drugs, or did taking drugs make him a bad person? _That was the question he asked himself every night before he engulfed the handful of pills. No matter how hard he tried to stop, the pain always managed to take over. He opened his mouth and dropped the pills into his mouth one by one, swallowing them down with multiple gulps of water. That was another thing he would regret.

"It's ok il stop tomorrow," He whispered.

Stop tomorrow? Who was he trying to convince? It was all talk and no action coming from this man. He told himself this everyday but a part of him wanted to believe it, a part of him wanted to believe there was hope after all.

"There's no such thing as hope." he moaned as he felt a tear roll down his cheek. He wiped it away with the edge of his sleeve.

"Shawn Michaels doesn't cry" He said as he choked back the tears that so desperately tried to escape.

"Maybe Shawn Hickenbottom cries, but I don't. I've already ruined his life, he was just a shy 12 year old boy who wanted to follow his dream. Now look where I got him. Depressed and alone. What a great success that was."

Shawn stood up from the sofa and walked over towards the window. He had already ruined the life of Shawn Hickenbottom who was he to ruin Shawn Michaels life as well? As he turned his head to the TV, he realised something, it was a bitter pill for him to swallow but he knew he had to. He realised that even though he is absent from the WWE, it's still doing great without him. In fact not great, better.

"Maybe my time really is up. I'm not wanted anymore, hell I'm not even needed anymore. I'm Shawn Michaels, The Heartbreak Kid and they don't even care?" Shawn buried his head in his hands trying desperately not to allow himself to cry, but he couldn't. "Maybe I'm not Shawn Michaels anymore."

Who would want to be Shawn Michaels anyway? He was just a jerk that corrupted the life of Shawn Hickenbottom. Now what was he gonna do, revert back to being him and pretend like nothing had happened? That would be too easy.

The rain pelted the glass on the window as Shawn felt trapped not only inside his own home but himself. He knew there was a way to make it right, to make it all go away. But he couldn't. It was too difficult even for him. Who was he gonna be? Shawn Michaels, a man who destroys everything? Or Shawn Hickenbottom, a man who's life had already been destroyed? No matter how much he wanted to make things better, it all amounted in to one little phrase. 'It's too hard.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_- With these broken wings I'm falling_

The sun shone threw the gap in the curtain bright and early the next morning as Shawn lay stretched across the sofa, his head buried into the cushion. He was never good at handling hangovers. He let out a moan before turning around to lie on his back and slowly opened his eyes in order to find out the time.

"10:30?" He questioned himself as he rubbed his sleep filled eyes. "Maybe another 10 minutes." Shawn pulled the cushion over his head trying to pretend he was oblivious to the world around him. Unlucky for him the phone began to ring which made him sit up with what did not look like a pleasant expression and made his way over to the phone.

"Hello," Shawn mumbled still half asleep and also very frustrated at the person on the other end for depriving him of his sleep.

"Hey buddy, it's Rich Minzer."

Shawn let out a frustrated sigh as he answered the person who now became his most hated enemy.

"This better be important!"

"Well I'm working just now and-"

"So why call me?" Interrupted Shawn

"If you would let me finish, man your cranky in the morning aint ya?"

"Get to the point."

"Anyway, you will never guess who just came in the door."

"I don't want to either."

Shawn was at his breaking point and as he was just about to hang up the phone Rich said something that almost made him crack what seemed to be a pathetic smile.

"The Nitro Girls, I was just wandering if you wanted me to get Whispers number for you?"

Shawn was hesitant for a while before he realised how desperate he would sound and refused the offer and with that said he hang up the phone making his way back to his lovely little hideaway place, which he referred to as his bed.

As Shawn lay there, trying his best to sleep off the remainder of the alcohol and drugs he has consumed the previous night, and it only seemed like seconds before the phone began to ring again. This time, Shawn stormed out of his bed and mumbled spiteful words as he rose the phone to his ear growling, "What?"

"Ok, don't be mad but I got her number for you."

At that moment Shawn wasn't sure if he should try to attack him through the phone, or be thankful that he was about the receive a beautiful women's number.

"Her names Rebecca Curci and she doesn't watch wrestling so you don't have to worry about her disliking you before she meets you."

Shawn began to take down her number as Rich read it aloud.

"So you gonna call her?"

"I don't know maybe."

"I go through the trouble of getting her number for you and you don't even know if your gonna call her?

"Bye" said Shawn as he thought about how his bed might get lonely without him.

"Thanks Rich for getting me her number" said Rich in an effort to make Shawn feel guilty.

"Your welcome Shawn!" He said as he hung up the phone, once again making his way back to bed. This time however was different, it wasn't the phone that was keeping him up, it was the thought that he had Rebecca's number written on a piece of paper on his desk, and he was too scared to call her. For once he was actually thinking of someone else instead of himself. He knew that if he called her and dated her, there was a chance he would end up hurting her, but was that a chance Shawn was willing to take?


End file.
